Play as Alex | Choice: Texas

"You wanted to see me, sir?"\n\nPrincipal Davies looks up from his computer. "Yes, have a seat."\n\nAlex tries to settle in the chair, but nothing is really comfortable these days.\n\n"I don't... It's been a long time since I've had to have this discussion," he says. "Alex, you've been an excellent student, and you'll obviously receive your diploma. But we think it would be best if you did not attend graduation. You'll get your diploma in the mail."\n\n"What? I can't go to graduation? Why?"\n\n"We need to think about the kind of example we're setting."\n\nAlex starts to shake with rage. "You mean the kind where someone makes a difficult choice and manages to graduate in the top ten percent of her class anyway?"\n\n"You have to understand... from our perspective..."\n\n"No. I don't understand. It's not fair. I've worked so hard."\n\n"I know you have, and I'm sorry. But you are not permitted to attend graduation. The decision is final."\n\n[[Next|Adopt Labor]]

When Alex fully regains her senses in the recovery area, she's parched and hungry. The nurse brings her some juice and Alex struggles to stay focused as she listens to the litany of post-op instructions.\n\nFinally, she's reunited with Sarah, who helps her to the car and begins the drive back. \n\n[[Next|Home]]

"I'll talk to his parents," her father insists. "They'll understand. They'll make him realize the right thing to do."\n\n"I am not marrying Eric!" Alex shouts. She's surprised at her own anger, but she also can't just go along with it. She never wanted to marry Eric to begin with. She certainly doesn't want to now. Not after the way he's been acting.\n\n"So you're throwing away your future and you're refusing to ensure your child has a father? Is that what you're saying?" Her mother's voice is shaking with anger. "Alex, I barely know you anymore."\n\n"I'm not going to marry someone who doesn't want to marry me. I know what I'm doing."\n\n"Oh, you do? You're so sure of that? In that case, maybe you should try finding an apartment and getting a job. Since you clearly have it all figured out, why don't you go off on your own and raise that child the way you think is best?"\n\nAlex feels a chill. She didn't mean for things to get this bad.\n\n"Go on," her father says. "Get out."\n\nTrying to steel her nerves, Alex gets up from the table, grabs her backpack, and walks out the door. Sarah follows silently behind her.\n\n[[Next|Alt Walk]]

"Well, I don't know what you'd do, either. Don't think your father and I would support you. You're going to go to a good college, and god help us, you'll get a scholarship. If you threw your future away like that, your father and I would never support it."\n\nAlex feels a wave of fear at the vitriol in her mother's voice. She doesn't dare bring up the prospect of abortion.\n\nBut she doesn't have to.\n\n"And don't even mention the idea of abortion. Not under this roof. We raised you better."\n\nAlex feels faint.\n\nThen her mother turns and smiles. "But we don't need to worry about that with you, do we? You know what's right. You're responsible." \n\nShe gives Alex a quick kiss on the cheek and walks out of the kitchen. \n\nAlex's heart sinks. She knows she's really stuck. If her own parents won't support her, who can she really trust?\n\n[[Next|Eric pressure]]

They are nearly at house when Alex realizes she probably should have taken her car. She was just too upset to think. And the walking did help her blow off some steam. But she still is in shock. Even though she knew how much her parents would disapprove, part of her had hoped that maybe when push came to shove, they'd be there for her. No such luck. \n\n"Are your parents home?" Alex asks when they reach Sarah's house.\n\n"No. Why?"\n\nAlex swallows hard. "My dad threw me out. I don't know where else to go."\n\n[[Next|Alt Stay With Sarah]]

"What did you say?" her father asks.\n\nHis tone suggests that she doesn't need to answer. But she's terrified of staying silent.\n\n"I'm... I'm pregnant." \n\nHer mother goes white.\n\n"So when you asked me the other night..."\n\nAlex nods. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so, so sorry."\n\n"We thought you knew better," her father snaps. "What are we supposed to do about this? What are you going to do about college?"\n\n"You need to get married," her mother says.\n\nAlex can't help but tear up. "No, Mom. I'm not going to get married."\n\n"It's the right thing to do."\n\n"Eric broke up with me. Via text."\n\n[[Next|Alt Mom and Dad 4]]

Even though Alex is ravenous, her stomach is in knots and she can barely eat. Fortunately, Sarah is shoveling down dinner and Alex's parents are more than happy to quiz her about school, the team, and college applications.\n\nBut Alex's luck can't hold forever. It's only a matter of time before her mother notices her mostly full plate.\n\n"What's wrong? Are you sick? You love lasagna."\n\nAlex steals a look at Sarah, who gives her the smallest nod. \n\n"Mom, Dad, I have something I need to tell you. You're not going to be happy about it."\n\nHer dad sets his fork down. "What is it, sweetie? Are you having problems with school? Are you taking too many AP classes?"\n\n"No, that's not it. It's... god... I'm pregnant."\n\n[[Next|Alt Mom and Dad 3]]

"You can stay here tonight. I don't... I mean, I don't want to be callous, but I don't know if my parents would let you move in here or something."\n\nAlex sighs. "I know. They have their hands full as it is. I don't expect that."\n\n"What are you going to do?"\n\n"Look, let's just get the math homework done and then I'll figure it out after I sleep. Maybe things will be clearer in the morning."\n\n[[Next|Morning]]

Alex can't help but wonder if this is really what she wants. Did she go through with the abortion idea just because Eric pressured her? Is this really the best choice?\n\nWhen she really thinks about it, though, she knows Eric isn't the only thing that led her to this point. Her hopes for a scholarship, plans for college, the fact that she knows she's not ready to be a mother... Eric was really only a small piece of the puzzle.\n\nStill, although she knows she isn't prepared to be a mother, Alex can't help but ponder again and again whether abortion is the right thing to do. She'd take a hell of a lot of flak if people found out... then again, it's not like she's felt especially supported with anything about this pregnancy.\n\n[[Alex will choose adoption|Alt Tell Eric Adopt]]\n[[Alex will have the abortion|Thursday morning]]

The next morning, Alex wakes up confident in her decision.\n\nEverything is going to change. Everything is going to be difficult for a long time. But she can't bring herself to have an abortion.\n\nShe knows she should probably tell Eric in person, but she can't bring herself to face his ire. So she texts him.\n\n"I'm keeping it. You can't change my mind."\n\nWhen she gets out of the shower, she has a text back.\n\n"K. Good luck. BTW, if it wasn't clear, I'm not your boyfriend anymore."\n\nAlex allows herself a few tears, but she doesn't let herself indulge in dramatics. She has a lot on her plate right now. Including figuring out how to tell her parents. \n\n[[Next|Mom and Dad]]

On Wednesday, there isn't an afternoon track practice, so Alexandra drives to the Pregnancy Help Medical Center. She doesn't have an appointment because she was too scared to call. When she arrives, though, she sees a sign that says "Walk-Ins Welcome," so she feels optimistic.\n\nThe waiting room is relaxing: pale colors, fake floral arrangements, lots of cushioned chairs. Some of the women seem stressed out and some have a few kids in tow.\n\n"How can I help you?" the receptionist asks.\n\n"I'm... I'm pregnant, and I'm still in high school, and I came here because I wanted to explore my options."\n\nThe receptionist hands Alexandra a form to fill out and then instructs her to sit and wait. Alexandra tries to concentrate on her English homework, but is distracted by her nerves and the occasional shriek of a baby. After fifteen minutes, she's called back. \n\n[[Next|PHMC 2]]

"Oh, no," Alex groans as she pulls down the street. Eric's parents' car is parked out front. It was one thing for her mother to make a doctor's appointment. Does she have to meddle with Eric's family, too?\n\nWhen she walks in, the adults are sitting around the coffee table looking tense and Eric is slumped in a couch in the corner.\n\n"Alex, your mother was just telling us the news," Mrs. Jackson spits out.\n\nAlex ignores her and turns to face her mother. "You decided to do this when I wasn't home?"\n\n"Not now, Alex," her father says in a sharp tone. "We can discuss that later."\n\n[[Next|Family Confrontation 2]]

Alex leans against the wall and slides to the floor. She's too tired to even try to lie.\n\n"Sarah took me to Planned Parenthood."\n\n"And?"\n\n"What do you want me to say, Mom? You made it clear a few weeks ago that you wouldn't support any decision I'd made. You wouldn't help me with the baby if I had it. No matter what I chose, you were going to be furious with me."\n\n"So you decided to try to keep it a secret."\n\n"What do you want, Mom? Do you want to kick me out? Am I so horrible that you can't stand to have me under your roof?"\n\n"What does Eric think?"\n\n"Eric isn't in the picture anymore. He's a prick."\n\n"Alex! Language!"\n\n"Fine, Mom. Eric was also not supportive no matter what choice I made. Basically, everyone I thought loved me doesn't want to support me. Except Sarah. So why do you care what I decided to do? You were going to hate it no matter what."\n\nAlex's mother turns red. "Pack your things and get out of this house. You are a disgrace."\n\n"Fine."\n\n[[Next|Home 4]]

"Oh, fuck," Alex says. "We're caught." She knows there's no point in trying to get away now. Tht would just end up getting her in worse trouble. \n\nSarah rolls down the driver's side window. Alex's mom pops her head in. Alex can already tell something is up. \n\n"I received a call from your coach this morning. Alex, get in the house."\n\nAlex shoots Sarah a look and gets out of the car without a word. There's nothing she can say to anyone that will make this situation better.\n\nOnce inside, her mom slams the door.\n\n"Your coach says you've missed a few practices and skipped school a few times."\n\nAlex looks down, letting the tears fall. There's no way she can hold them back. She's too drained. \n\n"She also says that you came to her office a few weeks ago saying you were pregnant. And that last week you said you were going to have things handled soon. Alex, where were you today?"\n\n[[Next|Home 3]]\n\n

Alex hobbles up to her room, grabs a duffel bag, and throws some clothes into it. She doesn't feel well enough to put much thought into the process. She figures she can sneak in someday and get the rest of her stuff when she feels better. She also hauls her backpack over her shoulder, which makes her whole body protest. But even if she's homeless, Alex isn't going to let that compromise her future. Not now. \n\nHer mother glares as Alex walks down the stairs and toward the door. But as Alex turns the knob, she hears, "Don't go."\n\nShe turns around to see tears streaming down her mother's face. \n\n"You're, uh, you're grounded for the rest of the year," she sniffles. "But don't go. You're my baby."\n\nAlex leans against the door. She's so tired. She's not even sure she believes she's grounded. But at this point, she's content just to let her mom hug her.\n\n[[Next|Abortion Epilogue]]\n\n

Alex sits on the couch crying. She can't move; all she can do is sob.\n\n"Oh my god, what's wrong?" her mother asks when she gets home.\n\nAlex hands her the letter.\n\n"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," her mother says. "I really am." She strokes Alex's hair. "But maybe this is for the best. Maybe now you can put this whole phase behind you and move on and forget."\n\nAlex wants to yell and scream at her mother about not wanting to move on and forget, but she knows it won't do any good. She just lets herself cry.\n\n[[Next|Adoption Epilogue]]

The weekly updates turn into monthly updates. Then a whole month goes by, and the Hillmans don't send Alex a single update about the baby. Alex reassures herself that they're probably just busy and forgot.\n\nAnother month goes by with nothing.\n\nThey never provided Alex with a phone number, but she has email addresses for both parents. She sends a note, saying hi and asking for an update. \n\nA week goes by with nothing. Then two. Alex sends another email. Again, nothing.\n\n\n[[Next|Contact Caseworker]]

The next day, Alex holds her daughter, feeling completely in love and completely terrified. There's no way she's prepared for this. \n\nThere's a knock on the doorframe, and then Eric walks in.\n\n"Hey," he says.\n\nAlex bristles. "What do you want?"\n\nEric drops his gaze and shrugs. "I mean, I know we're not together anymore..."\n\n"You mean how you broke up with me?"\n\n"Yeah, okay. But I... I mean, I heard you went into labor, and... I just thought I should come and see her, you know?"\n\n[[Next|Eric Hospital 2]]

As she nears the end of her first trimester, Alex is having a harder and harder time hiding her pregnancy. She's not showing much yet, but her track clothes are tight enough that it's becoming more and more apparent at practice. She hopes she can maybe finish out the fall cross-country season before anyone catches on. Spring track is definitely out, but she wants to hold on to her old, normal life for as long as possible. \n\nAt the beginning of her eleventh week, Coach Landon calls Alex into her office after practice. Alex has a sinking feeling she knows what it's about.\n\n[[Next|Off the team 2]]\n\n

The next morning, after practice, Alex corners Eric before the morning bell rings.\n\n"I'm going to get the abortion."\n\n"Good. That's smart."\n\n"It's going to be $500. When can you get me your half?"\n\n"What? $250? That's a lot of money."\n\n"It's cheaper than child support."\n\n"Why should I have to pay for it? I'm not pregnant."\n\n"I wouldn't be pregnant if we'd never had sex."\n\nEric drops his gaze. "I don't have that kind of money."\n\n"Really? Nothing from your job? Nothing you could sell?"\n\n"No."\n\n"Fine. I guess I'll have to call your parents and ask them to help out. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear you got me pregnant."\n\nEric's eyes widen. "You would do that?"\n\n"I'm not paying for this myself. Give me your half or I'm calling your dad tomorrow."\n\nEric frowns. "Fine. I'll bring it to you before school tomorrow."\n\nWhen he leaves, Alex breathes a sigh of relief. She's still not sure how she's going to come up with another $250, but at least she knows where half of it is coming from."\n\n[[Next|Contact attorney]]

"Hey, wake up," Alex hears Sarah say.\n\n"What's going on?"\n\n"Your mom and dad are outside. They want to see you."\n\n"Shit," Alex mutters. "Okay."\n\nShe hurries to brush her teeth and heads out the front door to where her parents are waiting.\n\nHer mother immediately bursts into an apology. "I'm sorry. Come home. We need to figure this out as a family."\n\nAlex steals a glance at her father. He looks down and nods. He's always been a man of few words, but in this moment, Alex wishes for more.\n\n"Sweetie, we're in shock, but we'll get through this. I promise."\n\nAlex is too drained to argue. She opens the car door and gets inside.\n\n[[Next|Keep Bridge]]

Alex uses the brief bit of downtime between school and practice to call the hotline that will help her get an attorney and a hearing. \n\nUnfortunately, the call takes longer than anticipated. The hotline worker is friendly, but she asks a lot of questions. Alex knows that this is important, but it's obvious she's going to be late for practice and this makes her all the more anxious.\n\n"Is everything okay?" the hotline worker asks.\n\n"Yeah, I'm just... stressed. You know."\n\n"I understand," the hotline worker says. "We're just about done here. Have you already had an ultrasound?"\n\n"Yes. It's... It's been a few days. I had to think things through. Is that okay?"\n\n"As long as you've kept the records, yes. An attorney will be in touch tomorrow."\n\n"Okay. Um, I have school, so is there any chance they could call in the evening?"\n\n"We'll do our best."\n\nAlex hangs up the phone and hustles to the track. The suicides she'll have to run as penance for being late are going to be brutal.\n\n[[Next|Call Hotline]]

"So now what?" Sarah asks. \n\n"Shit, shit, shit." \n\nAlexandra's head begins to spin. Senior year has just started. She's been in touch with recruiters, hoping to fund her education through track and cross-country scholarships. Plus, this year, she's captain of the cross-country team. \n\nAnd now all of her plans are falling apart.\n\n"I don't know. I guess I need to tell Eric."\n\n"Man, your parents are going to freak out."\n\nAlexandra curls up into her beanbag chair, feeling worse by the second. \n\n"Totally freak out. You're right, I can't tell them."\n\n"Coach Landon is pretty cool, you know. Maybe she'd be better to talk to."\n\nSarah has a point. Coach knows her really well and Alex has talked to her about important stuff before, like how she was always sure she was disappointing her parents. She is definitely disappointing them right now. \n\n[[Alexandra tells Eric.|Eric]]\n[[Alexandra tells Coach Landon.|Coach Landon]]

Alex spends the day shouldering a sense of dread. She needs to tell her parents sooner rather than later. It's only a matter of time before she can't keep the secret anymore.\n\nDuring practice, she gives it her all. She doubts she'll be able to finish the season. So she needs to make the most of it.\n\nHeading out of the locker room, she grabs Sarah's arm.\n\n"Hey, can you have dinner at my house tonight?"\n\nSarah shoots her a quizzical look. "Yeah, it should be fine. Both of my parents are working late anyway. But why do you look so freaked out?"\n\n"Um, well. I decided I'm not going to get an abortion. I'm going to give it up for adoption. So, you know, at this point I have to tell my mom and dad. But I don't want to do it alone."\n\n"Shouldn't Eric be with you?"\n\nAlex pulls out her phone and shows Sarah the text.\n\n"What a shit," Sarah snarls. "Yeah, I'll be there."\n\n[[Next|Alt Mom and Dad 2]]

"That was rude," her mother says after everyone leaves. \n\n"It was rude of you to talk to Eric's parents without me even being there," Alex retorts.\n\n"Were you even going to tell them?"\n\n"They probably would have found out sooner or later. But no. Probably not. Because Eric doesn't give a shit--"\n\n"Language."\n\nAlex rolls her eyes and doesn't attempt to hide her annoyance.\n\n"Eric doesn't care and he's been mean to me this entire time. I don't want his help if it means he gets to treat me like dirt."\n\n"He has a responsibility, too."\n\n"Is he even going to try to get a job?"\n\n"It's all going to depend on that damn scholarship."\n\n"Please let it go, Mom. Please just let it go. He's not worth it."\n\n"Fine," her mother says, stalking out.\n\nNothing about this situation is making Alex feel better.\n\n[[Next|Depression]]\n\n

After dinner that evening, Alex hears her cell phone vibrate. It's an Austin area code, and she immediately picks up.\n\n"Hello?"\n\n"Hi, is this Alex?"\n\n"Speaking."\n\n"This is Megan calling from the Lilith Fund. I'm sorry for the delay in returning your call. One of our volunteers had an emergency last night and ended up missing her shift."\n\n"That's okay. I'm glad you're calling now."\n\nAlex has to answer yet another set of questions. She turns on some music in hopes that her parents won't hear. \n\n"My boyfriend gave me half the money, but I still need $250."\n\n"And your parents won't help."\n\n"I had to get a judicial bypass. So no."\n\n"You don't have a job?"\n\n"Not right now. It's cross-country season."\n\nAfter more questions, Megan says, "I know it won't cover everything, but I can send you a voucher for $100."\n\nAlex sighs. "Yes, I mean, yeah, I really appreciate it."\n\n"I wish we could fund everyone. We just don't have enough money."\n\n"I understand."\n\nAlex does the math. She'll just have to take the rest out of her savings account and hope her parents don't find out.\n\n[[Next|Call Eric]]

On her lunch break, Alex calls her caseworker.\n\n"The Hillmans quit sending me updates," she explains. "It's been almost three months. The contract we set up was for twice a month. They're in violation. What can I do?"\n\n"Calm down," Marjorie says. "Have you tried contacting them?"\n\n"Yes, I have. Twice."\n\n"Email?"\n\n"That's all the gave me."\n\nMarjorie sighs. "You do realize that the communication contract you signed isn't legally binding, right?"\n\n"What? But all those papers..."\n\n"You terminated your parental rights. The adoptive parents can terminate contact with you if they feel it's best for them and the child. You don't get a say in that."\n\n"But... I didn't think..."\n\n"We went over all of these things."\n\n"I didn't understand."\n\n"I'm sorry, Alex. I really am. But there's not much I can do. I can't force them to contact you.\n\nAlex is suddenly siezed by a wave of fury. "Fine," she snaps, and hangs up the phone. Then she starts to sob.\n\n[[Next|Message from Hillmans]]

Alex slips out of the house to find Sarah's car waiting down the block. She feels sick and she can't tell if it's nerves or the pregnancy or the drugs she took the night before to help dilate her cervix. Probably a combination of all three.\n\n"It's going to be okay," Sarah says as they park and walk toward the buildling. "I'm going to be in the waiting room the entire time. No matter what happens, I'm here for you."\n\nThe time in the waiting room feels like forever. Sarah is constantly making silly jokes and bringing up school gossip, and Alex appreciates that her friend is trying to take her mind off the situation. Finally, her name is called. \n\nIn the operating area, Alex is placed under sedation. She isn't knocked out completely, but everything is hazy and she's drowsy. Suddenly, she feels intense pressure in her abdomen.\n\n"Just breathe," the nurse says. "Squeeze my hand if you need to and keep breathing."\n\n[[Next.|Recovery]]

Just after Emma's first birthday, Alex's friends come home from college for the summer break. At first, it's difficult to see them and hear their stories. That could have been her, if not for an accident. That could have been her, if she'd chosen differently.\n\nBut this was the life she decided on. And she loves her daughter.\n\nThings with Eric are still a little awkward, and probably always will be. Still, he is happy to spend time with her when he's home on breaks. And he stayed good to his word about financial help. With his part-time job he doesn't contribute a lot, but what he does offer definitely helps. \n\nFor now, Alex is still working at HEB, and doing her best to save money. She's going to wait until Emma is ready for preschool, and then restart her education. She considered trying daycare, but it's so expensive. And she loves being home with Emma as much as she can. \n\nThe help and support from her parents has been amazing. Alex can't believe they changed their minds so fast. But Emma definitely turned their hearts.\n\nShe'll never know what it was like to be a traditional college student. To be a young adult that didn't have to grow up fast and raise a baby. But when she holds Emma, helps her walk, hears her speak, she doesn't question that choice.

Alex gives it her all in practice. But she knows from Coach's looks that she's going to have to explain herself.\n\n"In my office," Coach Landon barks as soon as everyone else hits the showers.\n\nIn the office, Alex grips the arms of the chair.\n\n"Now what's going on? Does this have anything to do with"--her voice drops--"what you came to me about recently?"\n\nAlex takes a deep breath and nods. "Coach, I know as team captain I have to set an example and be responsible. I know it looks like I haven't been doing that lately. But this... what I'm dealing with..."\n\n"Yes?"\n\n"I appreciate the pamphlet you gave me. And I've... Coach, um, I'm handling it. I might, um, I might not be able to go all-out next week, but I'm handling it."\n\nAlex's stomach clences. Surely Coach will know what she's talking about. She's terrified about the reaction she'll get.\n\nCoach sighs. "Are you sure?"\n\nAlex nods. "Yes. And I really did give it a lot of thought. I didn't do this lightly."\n\nCoach Landon looks down. "I'm worried about you."\n\n"I know," Alex says. "But I'll be fine."\n\n[[Next|Appointment Transition]]

Between trying to keep up with school, make practices, and decide what to do, Alex feels like she barely has a moment alone with her thoughts. So she's not especially thrilled when Eric grabs her on the way to lunch and practically hauls her out to the track.\n\n"We need to talk," he says roughly.\n\n"Good thing I feel too nauseated to eat my lunch," she snaps.\n\n"So you're keeping it?"\n\n"I never said that!"\n\n"Well, you need to decide. Soon."\n\n"You don't think I know that? Jesus."\n\n"So what are you going to do?"\n\n"You act like this is so fucking easy!"\n\n"Isn't it? Do you really want to ruin both of our lives with a kid that neither of us wants?"\n\n"But what about... I mean, haven't you thought at all about the ethics of, um, you know."\n\n"It's just a bunch of cells, Alex. Don't be stupid. You're the one in AP Bio. You should know better."\n\n"I just think..."\n\n"Look, I can't force you. But I'm not going to let you drag me down if you're going to keep it. I'll pay support or whatever if I have to, I guess, but I'm not going to be involved."\n\nAlex is stunned by Eric's confession. Does anyone other than Sarah care about how she feels?\n\nEric gets up and stalks off. Alex sits on the steps in silence until the bell rings.\n\n[[Next|Decide]]

Ten hours into labor, Alex can't believe how exhausted she is. She can't believe it isn't over. She wants to sleep, wants to drink water, wants to do anything but be here with contraction after contraction, and no end in sight. \n\nFinally, twelve hours in, the doctor announces that it's time to push. Even this, it seems, lasts forever. But then, all of a sudden, the nurse is handing her a tiny little girl.\n\n[[Next|Hillmans]]

Alex is relieved. She managed to get an appointment for the upcoming Thursday, when school is canceled due to in-service. For once, she doesn't have to worry about missing more school. Of course, it's doubtful that she'll be well enough to compete that Saturday, but Alex figures she'll cross that bridge when she comes it it. She'd rather miss this one meet than the whole rest of the season.\n\nThere's still the issue of the $400, though. And the place she called about funding never got back to her. She has some money in savings, but not quite enough.\n\n"What's wrong?" Sarah asks. "You have your appointment. The judge gave you permission. What is it?"\n\n"I still need to come up with the money. Even with what Eric gave me, it's not quite enough."\n\n"You have a few days."\n\n"I know, I'm just really scared I won't figure it out. I've already had to deal with so much. If I can't come up with it all, then this has been for nothing."\n\n"How much do you have in savings?"\n\n"A little. But my parents have their name on the account. I'm afraid they'll find out."\n\nSarah nods and reaches into her backpack. She pulls $50 out of her wallet.\n\n"I know this doesn't come close. But you need it."\n\n"You need it, too. I can't just take your babysitting money."\n\n"Right now, you need it more than I do."\n\n\n[[Next|Return Call]]

Although she's scared to tell Eric, Alex reasons that it's probably easier than telling her parents. She hangs around the locker room, waiting for the football team to be done with practice and snags Eric as he leaves.\n\n"We need to talk," she whispers, grabbing his arm.\n\n"Later? Me and the guys wanted to go out for..."\n\nAlex shoots him a look and fortunately, he gets the message.\n\n"You guys go on ahead," he says. "I'll catch up with you later."\n\nThey walk out to his truck. Alex is so scared, she doesn't know what to say. Finally, she spits it out. \n\n[[Next|Alt Eric 2]]

"I'm pregnant."\n\nEric freezes for a moment. \n\n"What the hell?" he finally says. "But... But I used a condom!"\n\n"Well, I don't know," Alexandra says, tears welling up in her eyes. "Maybe it ripped or something. That happens."\n\n"Well, what are you going to do about it?"\n\n"I don't know."\n\nEric slams the hood of his truck. "We can't have a baby, Alex."\n\n"Well, maybe we don't have to have it."\n\n"Shit, I don't know. Have you told your parents yet?"\n\n"No," she snaps.\n\n"I won't tell mine either, then."\n\n"Good. Look, Coach gave me a number to call. I'm going to... you know, I'm going to see about my options."\n\n"You have to decide fast. We can't have a baby, Alex. I think you know that."\n\n"Yeah. Sure."\n\nAlex knows that logically, he's right. But the way he says it, the tone of his voice, makes her feel scared and angry at the same time. She knows it doesn't make sense to keep the baby, but she still wants to make sure she's thought it through. \n\n[[Next|Provider choice]]

"Mom!" Alex yells. "Mom, I'm in labor!"\n\nAlex's mom hurries out of her bedroom. "Do you have your bag ready? Are you all set?"\n\nAlex grabs her duffel bag from her room. "Yeah. Let's go."\n\n"Your dad is working late. Do you want me to call him?"\n\nAlex shakes her head, tears threatening to flow. Things between her and her father have been so strained. \n\n"You don't need to make him leave work early or anything. I just need you there."\n\n[[Next|Adopt Labor 3]]

The next day, Alex's cell starts to vibrate just as she arrives at the cafeteria for lunch. Although she's starving, she takes the call.\n\n"Hello?"\n\n"Is this Alexandra?"\n\n"Yes. Who is this?"\n\n"My name is Ellen Marshall. I'm an attorney. Jane's Due Process contacted me about your case. I know your file said you're in school, but could you possibly talk right now?"\n\n"Yes, sure," Alex says. She fishes her sandwich out of her backpack and tries to chew as quietly as possible.\n\n[[Next|Attorney Call 2]]

The next morning, Alex wakes up confident in her decision.\n\nAlthough the thought of giving up her baby to another family pains her, she knows adoption is the best choice. Sure, it will cost her senior year in cross-country and track, and she won't get scholarship opportunities through sports. But she can still shoot for academic scholarships; her grades are great. Giving birth will be a setback, but it won't destroy her. \n\nShe knows she should probably tell Eric in person, but she can't bring herself to face his ire. So she texts him.\n\n"I'm keeping it. You can't change my mind."\n\nWhen she gets out of the shower, she has a text back.\n\n"K. Good luck. BTW, if it wasn't clear, I'm not your boyfriend anymore."\n\nAlex allows herself a few tears, but she doesn't let herself indulge in dramatics. She has a lot on her plate right now. Including figuring out how to tell her parents.\n\n[[Next|Alt Mom and Dad]]

Alexandra calls the Planned Parenthood in Dallas to make an appointment. \n\n"How can I help you?" the friendly-sounding receptionst asks.\n\n"Um, I'm pregnant and I just need to get, um, an ultrasound or something, and more information on my options."\n\n"What day would you like?"\n\n"Saturday?" Going to the clinic on Saturday means skipping a cross country meet, but it's not a major one; there won't be any college scouts there. And that way, she doesn't have to miss school.\n\n"I'm sorry, but we're booked every Saturday for the next five weeks."\n\n"You're kidding."\n\n"No, we've taken a scheduling hit with the clinic closures around the state. I'm really sorry. I do have availabilities on Wednesday and Thursday of next week, though."\n\n"But..." Alexandra's eyes well up. "I'm in high school, and I'm really scared, and..."\n\n"I understand," the receptionist says. "We can give you a doctor's note to get out of school. Will you have a parent with you?"\n\n"No," Alexandra says with a sniffle. "It's really complicated."\n\n"I understand that, too."\n\n"I'll just do Wednesday, I guess."\n\n"Is nine o'clock okay?"\n\n"Yeah." It will mean missing morning practice, but as long as she has a note, it won't be a big problem. \n\nThe receptionist gives her a list of instructions and then takes down information. When she hangs up, Alexandra breathes a sigh of relief. She can probably get to Dallas and back without her parents knowing. Maybe this will work out.\n\n[[Next|PP2]]

Alex makes it out to Eric's truck before he does. She doesn't remember anything about her classes; her mind has been racing all morning. \n\n"What's up?" Eric calls, jogging toward the truck. He leans in for a kiss, but Alexandra ducks out of the way. She doesn't want to be touched right now.\n\n"I'm pregnant."\n\nEric freezes for a moment. \n\n"What the hell?" he finally says. "But... But I used a condom!"\n\n"Well, I don't know," Alexandra says, tears welling up in her eyes. "Maybe it ripped or something. That happens."\n\n"Well, what are you going to do about it?"\n\n"I don't know."\n\nEric slams the hood of his truck. "We can't have a baby, Alex."\n\n"Well, maybe we don't have to have it."\n\n"Shit, I don't know. Have you told your parents yet?"\n\n"No."\n\n"I won't tell mine either, then."\n\nThe bell rang. \n\n"We need to get going," Alexandra says, jogging back toward the school. \n\n"Alex, we have to talk about this more."\n\nBut Alex wasn't listening. She was trying to control her breathing. She was pushing open the double doors. She was going to English and she was going to worry about this later.\n\n[[Next.|Alt Coach]]

Alex shivers in the courtroom. She can't believe how cold it is. And the wait feels like forever. When their case is finally called, Alex starts to shake even more. She's terrified and dizzy. As they approach the bench, Alex grips the railing for dear life. \n\nShe lets the attorney do most of the talking, but feels so outside of her body that she barely hears what's going on. She's barely aware of the questions she does answer. All she knows is that if this goes wrong, her whole life will change forever.\n\n[[Next|Alt Hearing 3]]

"After hearing your case, I have decided to grant your request." \n\nAlex can't believe that the judge issues her words in such a neutral tone. This is the most frightening moment of her life... but to the judge it's just another day. \n\nThe attorney hands Alex the papers she'll need to take to the clinic.\n\n"Are you okay, Alex?" she asks. "You look pale."\n\n"That was so intense. And the judge didn't seem affected at all."\n\n"That judge sees a lot of these cases. You have to be a little cold."\n\nAfter they part ways, Alex races toward school. She arrives halfway through her history test.\n\n[[Next|Confrontation with Principal]]

As hurt and angry as she is by Eric's words, Alex knows he's right--she has to make a decision soon. No matter which path she chooses, she has a long, hard road ahead of her. \n\nWould a baby really ruin her life? Sure, it would change everything... It seems it would even cost her the love of her parents. But even if it meant losing her chances at a scholarship and a good college, would it really destroy everything? She wouldn't be the only teen mom in the history of the world. Sure, her life would be different, but it wouldn't necessarily be over.\n\nAnd even if it did... was abortion really the most ethical choice?\n\nOr was it ethical to bring a child into the world if its father didn't want it and its mother was unsure?\n\nThere was always adoption... but she would still lose her chances at an athletic scholarship and that would seriously compromise her chances at college. Could she really sacrifice her future if she didn't even get to keep her baby in the end?\n\n[[Alex decides to have the abortion.|Eric Money]]\n[[Alex decides to pursue adoption.|Eric Adoption]]\n[[Alex decides to keep the baby.|Eric Keep]]

Midway through spring break, Alex is at home channel surfing. She has a day off from work, her parents are out, and her social life has been pretty much nonexistent. She's too worn out to get ahead on homework. She just wants to turn her brain off for a while. \n\nThere's a knock at the door. Alex hoists herself off the couch and opens it. Sarah is standing outside.\n\n"Get dressed. Let's go."\n\n"Go where?"\n\n"Come on, just hurry up."\n\n"But--"\n\n"Please?" Sarah looks at her with puppy eyes and Alex can't help but laugh.\n\n[[Next|Surprise Shower 2]]

As soon as they're in the hall, Coach's attitude changes.\n\n"What the heck is going on, Alex?" she asks.\n\n"How did... I mean..."\n\n"Sarah came and got me. And despite your condition, you're still the best runner I have. But I can't protect you for real if you're not going to be honest with me. So open up. I assume this has to do with what we talked about recently?"\n\n"Coach, I know I was taking a huge risk by being late for that test... but I want... Coach, I've thought about it a lot, and I'm handling the situation. Next week, I might um, might not be able to give my all at practice. But after that, I'll have worked it out."\n\nAlthough Alex wants to be blunt, she's terrified. Talking around the issue feels safer somehow.\n\nCoach Landon looks concerned, and then a little angry. "Are you sure."\n\nAlex nods. "I'm sure."\n\n"I'm worried about you. Really worried."\n\n"I know, Coach. But I can handle this."\n\n[[Next|Appointment Transition]]

"We want to adopt because, although we both want kids, we think we should adopt children who are in need of parents rather than creating our own," Christine says, sipping her coffee.\n\n"There are a lot of kids in this world in need of love and we want to help with that."\n\n"So do you have any other kids yet?"\n\nMason beams. "A son named Joshua," he says. "He was orphaned when he was only six months old. But now he's ours."\n\nAlex can't help but wonder if it's weird that they don't want their own kids, but she's happy they want hers. \n\n[[Next|Meet Hillmans 3]]

The months go by and Alex starts to recover. It's still difficult, knowing she gave her child up, but the weekly photos and email updates help. She's confident that the Hillmans are in a better position to raise Emma. This was difficult for her, but her daughter deserved the best possible life.\n\nAlex goes back to work at the HEB, and in the fall enrolls at the community college to get prerequisites out of the way. She wants to transfer to a larger university eventually, but getting her core coursework out of the way and saving money will be helpful. \n\nShe's also running again as soon as she's strong enough. Although her options for a sports scholarship are over, it helps her cope with everything she's been through, and helps her stay focused.\n\n[[Next|Communication Failure]]

Alex feels like she only has a few seconds with her daughter before Mason and Christine Hillman knock on the door. \n\n"Your mom called us a few hours ago," Christine says, beaming. "We've been in the waiting room. We're so excited."\n\nAlex hesistates to hand the child over to her adoptive parents. She wants to soak up as much time with her baby as she possibly can. But she also knows she has to let go, literally and figuratively. So she hands the baby to Mason.\n\n"We thought we'd let you name her," he says, gazing at his daughter. "We just couldn't settle on one. We figured you should do it, since you're the reason we have her at all."\n\n"Thank you," Alex says, her eyes welling up. "I'd like to name her Emma."\n\n"That's a perfect name," Christine says. "A perfect name for a perfect girl."\n\nAlex looks out the window and tries to keep from crying. These are wonderful parents. They'll give Emma a better life than she ever could. But she's already miserable, and her daughter isn't even gone yet.\n\n[[Alex will go through with the adoption|Adoption Recovery]]\n[[Alex will keep Emma|New Keep Bridge]]

"Mr. Ellis, I am so sorry Alex was late for her test this morning," Coach Landon says. "It was my fault. I recruited all the varsity and junior varsity captains to help me out. Alex had told me she had a test, but I assured her she'd be out in time. It's my fault we got back late, and she ran off without me giving her a proper late pass. I do apologize."\n\nMr. Ellis glances at Coach Landon, then at the principal, and then at Alex. "Really? I don't expect that kind of mistake from you."\n\nCoach Landon shrugs. "My apologies. Even veteran teachers like me screw up once in a while."\n\n"There's still the matter of you missing last week without documentation."\n\nCoach opens her mouth, but Alex jumps in. "You're right, I need to take responsibility for that. I'm sorry, Mr. Ellis. I had spent the whole night cramming for AP Physics, and when I did sleep, I slept straight through your class."\n\nPrincipal Davies nods. "Can we expect you'll have your coursework and your sports schedule more balanced from here on out?"\n\n"Yes, sir."\n\n"Then let's get on with our days, shall we?"\n\n[[Next|Coach Explain]]

The Hillmans seem like perfect parents. She definitely likes them more than any other couple she looked at. In person, they made her feel at ease. She knows they'll be perfect for her child. \n\nBut part of her is still hesitant. It's not her faith in the Hillmans to be good parents. It's in her ability to let go of the baby she's felt kicking and moving inside of her. She can't deny that she's become attached to the baby. Alex never thought it would happen, but it did. She doesn't know if she can let the child go, even if doing so would mean a better life for everyone. \n\n[[Alex will proceed with adoption|Grad Ban]]\n[[Alex will keep the baby|Alt Keep Bridge]]

Alex tiptoes into the history classroom. Hopefuly, she can get Mr. Ellis out in the hall and come up with a plausible excuse. \n\nBut her teacher isn't having any of it.\n\n"Alex, what on earth do you think you're doing? Go to the office. Right now."\n\nAlex breaks out in a cold sweat.\n\n"But Mr. Ellis--"\n\n"Go!"\n\nSarah looks up from her test and catches Alex's eye. Alex just shrugs at her friend. She doesn't know what else to do. \n\n[[Next|Meeting]]

"Alex, I think we need to talk about your status on the team this year."\n\nAlex hangs her head. She doesn't know what to say.\n\n"Am I correct in assuming you've decided to keep your child?"\n\n"I'm going to give it up for adoption," Alex whispers.\n\n"Does your doctor know you've been practicing?"\n\n"Coach, I..." Alex struggles not to cry. She knows what's coming.\n\n"Alex, I know how much this team means to you. And I know you're going through a lot right now. But I think it would be best if you left."\n\n"I... I... But..."\n\n"How much longer would you be able to compete, anyway? The spring season is definitely out. It's just... You have to understand, Alex. There could be a liability issue if something happened to your baby while you were running. And even if nothing happened, well... I mean, we promote a certain image."\n\n"A certain image?"\n\n"We can't..." Coach Landon looks down. "We need leaders who will set good examples."\n\nAlex can't take anything else. She stands up and silenty walks out of the office. \n\n[[Next|Mom Adoption]]

After talking about the case and the details more, the attorney says, "The last thing we need to do is set a time to go to court. Can you go tomorrow afternoon?"\n\nAlex's stomach seizies up. Tomorrow afternoon means she risks being late to yet another practice.\n\n"Um, there's no chance we could go to court on the weekend, could we?"\n\n"I'm sorry, Alex. That's not possible."\n\n"Okay, um..."\n\n"How about Monday morning? I don't want to push this too far into the future."\n\nMonday morning means she won't be late to practice, but she could miss her history test. But Alex knows time is of the essence.\n\n[[Alex will risk being late to practice.|Hearing 1]]\n[[Alex will risk missing her test.|Alt Hearing 1]]

"I know you answered a lot of questions yesterday, but I want to go over these one-on-one just to be sure. Can you explain again why you're seeking an abortion?"\n\nAlex sighs. She's tired of this, but knows it's necessary.\n\n"I've given it a lot of thought. I even waited after my first appointment to call about an abortion because I wanted to be sure. But I'm only seventeen. I don't think I'm ready to be a mom. And my boyfriend... well, he's been really mean to me this whole time. He wouldn't be a good father. He wouldn't be able to help me raise our child."\n\n"And you're certain your parents will react badly if they find out about this abortion?"\n\nAlex feels her eyes well up. The memory is still so painful. \n\n"I tried to discuss it obliquely. They made it clear that they wouldn't support me if I hypothetically got pregnant, but that abortion was unacceptable. I'm afraid. I have no support whatsoever."\n\n[[Next|Attorney Call 3]]

Alex is groggy on the drive, but jolts into alertness when she hears Sarah mutter, "Shit."\n\n"What's wrong?"\n\nSarah rolls to a stop. They're just a few houses down from Alex's driveway. Sarah nods forward, and Alex sees her mother's car parked outside.\n\n"What the heck is she doing home?" Alex asks, trying to keep herself together as her head starts to spin. "I thought she had a big meeting today."\n\n"What do we do?" \n\n"Maybe we could go to your house?" Alex asks, then doubles over as a cramp seizes her abdomen.\n\n"We could, but my mom will probably be there. She doesn't usually have any volunteer committments on Thursdays."\n\n"Let's risk it. We can just hide out and watch Netflix or something."\n\nBut as Sarah gets ready to pull away, Alex's mother walks out the front door. Seeing Sarah's car, she starts to jog toward them.\n\n[[Next|Home 2]]

Alexandra's heart is pounding as she approaches Eric in the hall before classes. \n\n"We need to talk."\n\n"What? What's wrong?"\n\n"Not here. Meet me at your truck at lunch, okay?"\n\n"Okay." Eric gives her an odd look as he walks off to first period.\n\n[[Next|Eric2]]

Most days, Alex is exhausted. Her AP-heavy courseload is intense and the further into her pregancy she goes, the more fatigued she feels just walking around. Plus, she's picked up a part-time job at HEB so she can afford diapers, maternity clothes, and all the other stuff she needs. \n\nAs the weeks go by, her friends get early college acceptances and scholarships. The cross-country team goes to state. The football team wins the championship. Alex feels like she's being left behind.\n\nSoon, the days all blur together. Spring is approaching, but Alex barely notices. It's just a combination of school, bagging groceries, and trying to prepare for a baby.\n\n[[Next|Surprise Shower]]

Eric scowls as he approaches Alex in the hall the next morning. \n\n"Here," he snaps, shoving an envelope full of bills into her hand. "That's my half. So when do you get it done? Tomorrow?\n\nAlex rolls her eyes. "No. I need to talk to a lawyer and a judge first."\n\n"A judge? Why?"\n\n"Because I'm under eighteen, dumbass! Otherwise I have to ask my parents for permission! And you know they won't give it."\n\n"Oh my god, Alex, this is ridiculous."\n\n"I didn't make the rules," she says, forcing herself not to cry. "I'm doing the best I can, no thanks to you."\n\n"Hey, I gave you my half of the money," he says, turning to go. "You can't say I didn't take care of my half."\n\n[[Next|Attorney Call]]

As soon as she tells the truth, Alexandra breaks down in tears. What if she gets kicked off the track team? She heard about that happening to a high school kid earlier this year.\n\nBut Coach Landon's voice is calm and comforting. \n\n"I know that this is scary, but you have options. Have you talked to your parents?"\n\nAlex shakes her head. "I don't know how. I just found out last night. I'm so scared."\n\n"Well, I know it's scary, but you're going to have to talk to them."\n\n"But... But I don't even know what I want to do about it yet. What if they pressure me to do something else?"\n\nCoach Landon looks slightly taken aback. "Alexandra, they're your parents. I'm sure they want what is best for you."\n\n"I don't think they'd let me get an abortion."\n\n[[Next.|Coach3]]

"So you're thinking about abortion?" \n\n"Well, I don't know. But what about college? And what about Eric?"\n\n"Does he know?"\n\n"Not yet."\n\n"You're going to have to tell him."\n\n"I know, but I just need to figure things out for myself."\n\nAlex realizes she's a little too loud. A little too angry. She is surprised by her sudden outburst. Even Coach Landon looks surprised. She hands Alexandra a box of tissues. \n\n"I know this is difficult," she says. "But you are going to have to talk to your family and to Eric. If you need to explore your options first, though, why don't you try this place?" \n\nCoach digs through a pile of health brochures with titles like, "Depression: What you need to know" and then hands Alexandra a pamphlet for a place called Pregnancy Help Medical Center.\n\n"I know this is difficult, but I think you'll make the right choice. Come see me any time."\n\n[[Next|Alt Eric 1]]

Alex wakes up with a headache on her daughter's birthday. She cried herself to sleep the night before. Although in the past few months she's thought about it less and less, this week the whole ordeal comes back to her.\n\nShe gets up, drinks a glass of orange juice, and tries to focus on her day. She has classes over at the community college, a shift at the HEB, and then she should really work on her transfer applications. She wants to move on with her bachelor's degree, even if it's not how she origianlly planned it.\n\nBut today, it's hard to focus. She drifts in and out during class. She makes careless mistakes at work. When she gets home, she goes for a run, but even that doesn't clear her head. All she can think about is emailing the Hillmans and asking about Emma, if she's healthy, what they did to celebrate her birthday.\n\nShe knows she needs to respect their wishes, though. There's nothing she can do. Except hope that maybe someday, her daughter will ask, and find her. And that if that day arrives, Alex will be able to explain her choices.

Although the attorney tried to be reassuring, Alex can't help but feel anxious. Even the difficulty of practice and the extra work she has to do doesn't take her mind off things. What if the judge really does deny her request? And there's still the issue of needing the other half of the money.\n\nSitting in her truck, not wanting to go home, Alex fingers the slip of paper Sarah slipped her in English class. Her friend had taken it upon herself to do some research and found the name of a hotline that provides financial assistance for abortions. Alex takes a deep breath and calls.\n\nNobody picks up. She leaves a voicemail, asking that nobody call during school or practice. She hopes they grant her request. \n\n[[Next|Eric Money Fight]]

Alexandra paces around her bedroom, waiting on the test balanced at the edge of the bathroom sink. Her best friend, Sarah, is perched on the edge of the bed. \n\n"Does Eric know?"\n\n"I don't want to say anything until after I know the results. I don't want to cause drama if it's, like, not real."\n\n"What are you going to do if it is?"\n\n"God, I don't know."\n\nFinally, her phone beeps, indicating that the three minutes has passed. Alexandra freezes.\n\n"I can't look, Sarah. I just can't. You do it."\n\n"Are you sure?"\n\nAlexandra nods.\n\nSarah tiptoes to the bathroom and retrieves the test. When she comes out, she's pale.\n\n"Alex, you're pregnant."\n\n[[Next|Considerations]]

Sarah goes pale. "You can stay here tonight. I don't... I mean, I don't want to be callous, but I don't know if my parents would let you move in here or something."\n\nAlex sighs. "I know. They have their hands full as it is. I don't expect that."\n\n"What are you going to do?"\n\n"Look, let's just get the math homework done and then I'll figure it out after I sleep. Maybe things will be clearer in the morning."\n\n[[Next|Alt morning]]

Alex sits waiting outside the office until the period bell ends. She resists the urge to puke. Not today. \n\nFinally, Mr. Ellis walks in. "We're going to have a chat with the principal," he says. "Now." He looks over at the secretary. "Is he ready for us?"\n\nThe secretary nods. "You can go in."\n\n"I'm surprised to see you in here, Alex," Principal Davies says as the door closes.\n\n"Alex here has been skipping. Today she actually had the audacity to walk in halfway through a test. A test she won't be allowed to take, I might add. This is not what I expect from one of our best and brightest."\n\nPrincipal Davies nods. "Alex, do you care to comment?"\n\nAs Alex races to come up with an excuse that actually sounds plausible, the secretary buzzes in.\n\n"Principal Davies, Coach Landon needs to see you. About Alex."\n\n"Send her in."\n\n[[Next|Meeting 2]] \n\n

"Want me to go with you?" Sarah asks.\n\nAlex takes a deep breath. "Yeah, could you?"\n\nThey exit the lunchroom, planning to corner Eric befor his next class. Alex clutches the papers, then tries to relax, not wanting to crumple them too much.\n\nEric is joking around with his buddies when Alex and Sarah approach. "What do you want?" he snaps.\n\nAlex thrusts the papers toward him. "I need you to consent to give the baby up for adoption."\n\n"What? Seriously? That's stupid."\n\n"Could you just please sign them so we can get this over with?"\n\n"And what if I don't want to?"\n\n[[Next|Eric Consent 2]]

When she has everything lined up, she calls Eric.\n\n"Hey," he says, sounding tense.\n\n"I got the judicial bypass. I have an appointment for Thursday morning. We don't have to worry about missing school or anything."\n\n"We?"\n\nAlex is put off by the questioning tone in his voice.\n\n"You... you were going to go with me, weren't you?"\n\n"Um, I mean, I figured that you were just going to drive yourself or something."\n\n"Eric, I am having surgery! They are going to put me under anesthesia! I'm not allowed to drive myself home! Haven't you been paying attention?"\n\nEric is quiet for so long that Alex thinks he might have hung up. Finally, he talks.\n\n"Well, I guess you could call me when you're done and I could pick you up."\n\nAlex bites her lip and struggles to control her temper.\n\n"You know what? Never mind. I'll figure something else out."\n\nShe hangs up the phone, and in her anger, also deletes Eric's number.\n\n[[Next.|Call Sarah]]\n

"There's one thing, though," Alex says. She glances at Marjorie, who gives her a nod and a smile. "It's very important that the family who takes my baby will agree to an open adoption."\n\nMason and Christine glance at each other. "What did you have in mind?" he asks. \n\n"Regular updates. Emails with photos. I just want to know how she's doing. I know giving her up for adoption is the best way for her to have a good life. But I don't want to lose her completely."\n\nChristine smiles. "We can absolutely do that."\n\nA wonderful family. Willing to share the baby's life with her. Could it really be that easy?\n\n[[Next|Final Adoption Decision]]

The first time Alex hears Emma cry in the middle of the night, she panics. Not because she has to feed her baby, take care of it, but because her parents are trying to sleep. All throughout her pregnancy, Alex's parents kept suggesting she try to move out, get her own place. But she never could make it work financially. Not with her wages from HEB. And getting a better-paying job hadn't been feasible as of late. \n\nAlex rocks Emma as she eats, wondering how she's possibly going to endure all this. Even with Eric's offer to help, it won't nearly be enough. \n\n"You're a natural," her mom whispers.\n\nAlex looks up. "How long have you been here."\n\n"A few minutes."\n\n"I'm sorry Emma woke you up. I know you need your sleep. I really will try to get my own place as soon as I can go back to work."\n\nHer mother sits beside her on the couch. "You know, I've been thinking. It is nice to have my first grandchild around. I can't... I can't say I'm thrilled about the circumstances. You know that. But I'm in love with Emma already. So maybe you shouldn't be in a rush to find a place. Let it happen in time."\n\nAlex breathes a sigh of relief. She doesn't know what to say. So she just leans her head against her mother's shoulder and watches her daughter eat.\n\n[[Next|Keep Epilogue]]

"Dad," Alex whispers. "I'm sorry. I know you probably didn't... I know you both wanted me to... But Dad, when I held her..."\n\n"Shh," he says, smoothing her hair. "I know. I still remember the first time I held you in my arms."\n\n"I don't even have any baby stuff. But I couldn't. I just couldn't."\n\n"You have a long road ahead of you. You know that right?"\n\n"I do."\n\nHer dad gives a small grin. "I think you can handle it."\n\n"Thanks, Dad."\n\n[[Next|Eric Hospital]]

"So you're thinking about abortion?" \n\n"Well, I don't know. But what about college? And what about Eric?"\n\n"Does he know?"\n\n"I told him at lunch. He was really angry. Which I get, but..."\n\nCoach nods. "His future is on the line as well as yours. You'll need to talk to him more after he calms down."\n\n"I know, but I just need to figure things out for myself."\n\nAlex realizes she's a little too loud. A little too angry. She is surprised by her sudden outburst. Even Coach Landon looks surprised. She hands Alexandra a box of tissues. \n\n"I know this is difficult," she says. "But you are going to have to talk to your family and to Eric. If you need to explore your options first, though, why don't you try this place?" \n\nCoach digs through a pile of health brochures with titles like, "Depression: What you need to know" and then hands Alexandra a pamphlet for a place called Pregnancy Help Medical Center.\n\n"I know this is difficult, but I think you'll make the right choice. Come see me any time."\n\n[[Next|Provider choice]]

Although Alex tried to hold back her tears, by the time Sarah picks up the phone, she's falling apart.\n\n"What's wrong?" Sarah asks. "Did you not get the bypass?"\n\nAlex sucks in a deep breath. "No. I got it. And I got an appointment, too, for Thursday."\n\n"That's a relief. So what's wrong?"\n\n"I called Eric thinking he'd come to the clinic with me. He was a total douchebag about it."\n\n"What an ass. But it's not like he's been nice to you lately. I'm not surprised."\n\n"Yeah, I just... I don't know. I'm freaked out. I thought if I had the abortion things would go back to normal with him. But now I never want to see him again."\n\n"Do you still want the abortion?"\n\n"I... I think so."\n\n"Look, you have a couple of days. What time is your appointment?"\n\n"8:30."\n\n"I'll be outside your house at 8:00 on Thursday to drive you, unless you tell me otherwise."\n\nAlex feels herself starting to tear up again.\n\n"Thanks, Sarah."\n\n[[Next|Reconsider]]

When she gets to school on Monday, the first thing Alexandra does is make a beeline for Coach Landon's office, but she's busy with another student. Alexandra slumps against the gym's cinder block wall and fidgets. \n\nFinally, the other student leaves and Coach Landon leans out to see her on the floor.\n\n"Alex, are you ok?" \n\nAll of a sudden, Alexandra is afraid. Coach Landon always seemed like someone understanding, someone she could talk to. But this is a big deal. Alex is afraid of how she will react.\n\nShe finally manages a near-whisper.\n\n"Coach, I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do."\n\n[[Next.|Alt Coach 2]]

Alex breathes a sigh of relief as she hands in her last exam. She knows she aced it. There were some nights when she was up late, unsure how she could manage to keep up her GPA on top of everything else. But she'll be graduating in the top 10% of her class and all the AP credit will help when she does sort out a new plan for college. \n\n"I have a note here that you need to visit the office once you're done with your test," her teacher whispers.\n\nAlex moves as fast as she can--which these days is pretty slow--and steps into the principal's office.\n\n"I have a note that I'm supposed to stop by?" Alex asks.\n\n"Go on in," the secretary says. "He's available right now."\n\n[[Next|Grad Ban 2]]

After she finishes her homework that night, Alex flips through the Pregnancy Help Medical Center pamphlet Coach Landon gave her. The writing is helpful, welcoming, and cheerful. They don't have any prices listed, but they do mention free and discounted services. Alex can't find any mention of abortion, but she figures maybe that's something she'll have to ask about one-on-one. The medical center is also just outside of town, which will make it easy to get to.\n\nAlex decides to take a quick look at the Planned Parenthood website. Getting there would mean a long drive and it would be harder to ditch school and practice. They have their prices listed and Alex can't help but wince at how much an abortion might cost, but she knows she'll figure it out. She also read something about parental consent and judicial bypass, and for a second starts to panic. But she feels comforted when the site explains that clinic workers can help her out. \n\n[[Alex chooses the Pregnancy Help Medical Center.|PHMC]]\n[[Alex chooses Planned Parenthood.|PP]]

Alex meets Christine and Mason Hillman in a coffee shop in a nearby suburb. Marjorie goes with her to mediate. Alex is glad she's there. Even though the law allows her to make this decision herself, she feels safer having an adult present. And she didn't feel right asking either of her parents to go. She can tell they still haven't entirely forgiven her.\n\nWhen they meet, Alex is almost overwhelmed by Christine's enthusiasm. "I'm so glad to meet you! You just seem amazing. I know this whole thing must be so hard for you, but if you choose us, I want you to know how much we'll care for your baby."\n\n"Um, thanks," Alex says, sipping her chamomile tea. She's not sure how else to respond. \n\n[[Next|Meet Hillmans 2]]

"What's wrong?" Alex's mom asks.\n\nAlex wipes the freshest set of tears away. "Coach kicked me off the team."\n\n"Well, you were going to have to quit sooner or later. And now you'll have time to get a part-time job and make some money. I don't know what you're going to do about college, but clearly a running scholarship is out of the question."\n\nAs if Alex needed to be reminded of that. \n\n"When are you going to actually call an adoption agency? And you need to set up an appointment for prenatal care."\n\n"I know, Mom." Alex can barely conceal the irritation in her voice.\n\n"Watch your tone with me, young lady. I'm trying to convince you to take this seriously. You don't seem to understand what kind of situation you're in."\n\nAlex gets up from the table without saying a word. She slams the door to her room and calls the first adoption agency on her list. \n\n[[Next|Meet Caseworker]]

"Everything okay?" Alex's dad asks, popping his head in.\n\n"Your daughter has changed her mind," Mason says in a low tone.\n\nAlex suddenly fears that he'll never hand Emma back to her. That he's going to take her and run.\n\n"You sure about this, Alex? Absolutely sure?"\n\n"Yes, Dad, I am."\n\n"Then, sir, I think you'd better give my daughter her baby. I do apologize."\n\n"This isn't fair," Christine says, starting to cry.\n\n"No, it's not. But there's a whole lot about this situation that isn't fair."\n\nMason begrudgingly hands Emma over to Alex. Neither he nor Christine make eye contact with her as they leave.\n\n[[Next|New Keep Bridge 3]]

They are nearly to Sarah's house when Alex realizes she probably should have taken her car. She was just too upset to think. And the walking did help her blow off some steam. But she still is in shock. Even though she knew how much her parents would disapprove, part of her had hoped that maybe when push came to shove, they'd be there for her. No such luck. \n\n"Are your parents home?" Alex asks when they get to Sarah's doorstep.\n\n"No. Why?" \n\nAlex swallows hard. "My dad threw me out. I don't know where else to go."\n\n[[Next|Stay with Sarah]]

Alex turns around and squints into the crowd. She can just make out her family in the back of the auditorium. Things were tense for most of the school year and the family still hasn't quite regained its equilibrium. For a while, Alex believed her parents would never forgive her. Over time, things did settle down and Alex thought the biggest improvement happened after the college acceptances and scholarship offers started to roll in. \n\nAs she watches her classmates walk across the stage and receive their diplomas, Alex reflects on what might have been. Although things were awful for a while, she still feels a sense of relief. She's going to Stanford on a full ride. She gets the life she always dreamed of. \n\nSometimes, Alex still questions whether she really did make the right choice. But as she crosses the stage, she feels sure. Maybe she will have kids someday, and if she does, they'll have a mother who's ready.

On graduation night, Alex sits on the couch, moping. It's bad enough that she's pregnant, bad enought that she lost her senior year and her scholarship hopes. Now she can't even get her diploma like everyone else? \n\nShe glances at the clock, thinking about the ceremony, what's happening now. Then she feels her first contraction.\n\nAt first Alex doesn't make anything of it. She's already had a few contractions that didn't pan out. This is just another of those. But then twenty minutes later, she has another. Then another. Then her water breaks.\n\n[[Next|Adopt Labor 2]]

Alex spends the day shouldering a sense of dread. She needs to tell her parents sooner rather than later. It's only a matter of time before she can't keep the secret anymore.\n\nDuring practice, she gives it her all. She doubts she'll be able to finish the season. So she needs to make the most of it.\n\nHeading out of the locker room, she grabs Sarah's arm.\n\n"Hey, can you have dinner at my house tonight?"\n\nSarah shoots her a quizzical look. "Yeah, it should be fine. Both of my parents are working late anyway. But why do you look so freaked out?"\n\n"Um, well. I decided I'm going to keep the baby. So, you know, at this point I have to tell my mom and dad. But I don't want to do it alone."\n\n"Shouldn't Eric be with you?"\n\nAlex pulls out her phone and shows Sarah the text.\n\n"What a shit," Sarah snarls. "Yeah, I'll be there."\n\n[[Next|Mom and Dad 2]]

Over the next few days, Alex feels like her life has completely turned upside-down. She wakes up feeling sick, which makes practice even more difficult. \n\nAlthough she's ostensibly reconciled with her parents, Alex feels like they love her less. They're distant. They keep bringing up things like calling agencies, researching parents, getting prenatal care. \n\nAlex knows they're right. She needs to grow up and start dealing with this now. The fact is, she's feeling completely depressed at the thought of researching adoptive parents, calling agencies. Of carrying a baby to term and then giving it up.\n\nBut how could she explain an abortion to her parents?\n\nAnd is that really the right thing to do?\n\n[[Next|Alt off team]]

Over the next few days, Alex feels like her life has completely turned upside-down. She wakes up feeling sick, which makes practice even more difficult. \n\nAlthough she's ostensibly reconciled with her parents, Alex feels like they love her less. They're distant. They keep bringing up things like getting a job, getting child support from Eric, things like that. They haven't overtly told her to quit the team, but there's plenty of pressure. \n\nAlex knows they're right. She needs to grow up and start dealing with this now. The baby will be born whether she's ready or not. But now that it's sinking in, she's starting to question her decision to have it. The fact is, she's feeling completely depressed at the thought of quitting the team, at the prospect of buying a crib and baby clothes, of not going to college, of seeking child support.\n\nBut how could she explain an abortion to her parents?\n\nAnd is that really the right thing to do?\n\n[[Next|Off the team]]

Although Alex knows she has to tell her parents, she's terrified of their reaction. She decides to test the waters after dinner a few nights later. Maybe if she starts by approaching it from a hypothetical persepective, she'll find it isn't so bad.\n\nAs they're putting away the dishes, Alex tries to start with a believable segue.\n\n"One of my friends on the track team thinks she's pregnant," she says, hoping her parents don't suspect her. "She's really freaked out."\n\nUnfortunately, her mother looks alarmed. "Who is it? Do her parents know?"\n\n"Mom! I wasn't trying to rat her out!"\n\n"Her parents should know. So should the school."\n\n"She doesn't even know yet for sure. I'm not going to create more problems for her if she's wrong."\n\n"If she's in this situation at all, she's doing something wrong and adults need to step in."\n\n"Never mind. I'm sorry I brought it up."\n\n"What? If you were in that situation, would you really expect to hide it from us?"\n\n"I... I don't know what I'd do."\n\n[[Next.|Dinner Question 2]]

With trembling hands, Alex calls her caseworker.\n\n"Marjorie, I... I don't know how to say this, but... I changed my mind."\n\n"Are you sure? If you didn't like the Hillmans, there are other..."\n\n"No, it's not them. It's just... I know it will be hard. I know it will change my life forever. But I can't just give my baby away. I just can't."\n\nMarjorie sighs. "Well, you're certainly not the first mother to change her mind. I see it all the time. Just be sure, Alex. You don't know what you're getting into. There's no way to know until you're actually raising the child."\n\n"I'm still sure."\n\n"Then good luck."\n\n[[Next|Keep Grad Ban]]

"One other big thing," Marjorie says, her tone suddenly turning more serious. They're nearing the end of their appointment, and suddenly, Alex is very nervous.\n\n"The father of the child needs to consent to the adoption."\n\nAlex starts to shake. She's been doing her best to avoid Eric at all costs. And now she has to get permission to give the baby up for adoption?\n\n"What? Seriously? He tried to pressure me to have an abortion. He dumped me via text message when I decided not to do that. And now I have to get his permission to give the baby up?"\n\n"I'm sorry," Marjorie says. "It's the law."\n\n"But... But... That's not fair."\n\n"No, it's not. But that's the way it is sometimes."\n\n[[Next|Eric Consent]]

Two weeks later, Alex receives a letter in the mail. There's no return address.\n\n"Dear Alex,\n\nWe apologize for not replying to your emails. Things have been very busy around here. We've decided to make a fresh start and move out to Oregon. \n\nI know you're probably going to be upset, but we've also decided it's best for our family to terminate our communication contract. We've decided it will be best for Emma if you don't have contact.\n\nWe apologize for hurting you, but this is what's best for our family.\n\nSincerely,\n\nMason and Christina Hillman"\n\nEnclosed is one photo of Emma, sleeping in her crib.\n\n[[Next|Message 2]]

"What's wrong?" Alex's mom asks.\n\nAlex wipes the freshest set of tears away. "Coach kicked me off the team."\n\n"Well, you were going to have to quit sooner or later. And now you'll have time to get a part-time job and make some money. You'd better hurry and find one soon. You're going to have trouble getting hired once you start showing."\n\nAlex nods. It's all she has the energy to do.\n\n"Oh, and I made you an appointment for Thursday afternoon. With my doctor. The one who delivered you."\n\n"Thanks, Mom." Alex knows her mother is trying to be helpful and she wishes she could feel more grateful. \n\n"It's at three, so head over right after school."\n\n"You got it."\n\n[[Next|OBGYN]]

At the doctor's office, Alex pays the co-pay in cash and feels grateful that she's covered by her parents' insurance. She doesn't know how she'd handle it if she was trying to do this uninsured. \n\n"Well, Alex, I didn't think I'd see you in this condition so soon," Dr. Smythe says.\n\nAlex resists the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, here I am."\n\nThe checkup goes smoothly enough. The doctor does a lot of tests, as well as another ultrasound. The baby is healthy, but it's not far along enough to tell the sex. Alex doesn't want to know anyway.\n\n"Alex, are you sure about what you're doing? I mean it. You have no idea what kind of responsibility this is."\n\n"Dr. Smythe, I've thought about it a lot. I didn't make this decision lightly. But I stand by it."\n\nDr. Smythe sighs. "Well, I'll be with you every step of the way." She hands Alex a list of books about childrearing and pregnancy. "Study hard. You have a lot of preparation to do."\n\n[[Next|Family Confrontation]]

"I'm sorry," Alex chokes out. "I've, um, I've changed my mind."\n\n"What?" Christine gasps. "But you promised."\n\n"I really am sorry. I can only imagine how hurt you are. It's not you. You're amazing. But when I held her... I can't give her up. I just can't."\n\n"But... But we agreed. We agreed on everything."\n\nAlex looks Christine in the eye. "I didn't know I was going to feel this way when I held her. I can't let her go. And I know my rights. I'm still within the window to change my mind."\n\n[[Next|New Keep Bridge 2]]

"I agree they should get married," Mr. Jackson says. "It's the respectable thing to do."\n\n"No!" Alex and Eric shout in unison. They look at each other, then quickly look away. \n\n"Alex, you have no idea how difficult it is to raise a child," her mother says. "You don't want to do it alone."\n\n"I also don't want to raise a child with a guy who pressured me to get an abortion and then broke up with me via text message when I wouldn't."\n\n"Is that true?" Mrs. Jackson asks.\n\nEric drops his gaze. "Maybe."\n\nAlex takes a deep breath."I'm sorry to disappoint everyone. But Eric has made it clear he won't be a good father, so I'd like to quit discussing marriage."\n\n"There's still the matter of child support," her father says.\n\n"You can't collect that if I don't have a job," Eric says with a smirk. \n\n"Eric won't be able to work during football season if he wants to keep his scholarship," Mr. Jackson points out.\n\nAlex starts to feel a headache coming on. \n\n"Excuse me," she says. "I don't feel well."\n\nIf they're going to argue about her future as though her opinion doesn't matter, she doesn't see the point in being there.\n\n[[Next|Mom Talk]]\n

Alex sends Eric a text: "I can't do it. I know you'll be mad. I'm going to give it up for adoption."\n\nHe texts back almost instantly. "Seriously?"\n\n"Yes. It doesn't feel right."\n\n"I want my money back."\n\n"You'll get it back. Don't worry."\n\n"Good luck. BTW, if it wasn't clear, I'm not your boyfriend anymore."\n\nAlex allows herself a few tears, but she doesn't let herself indulge in dramatics. She has a lot on her plate right now. Including figuring out how to tell her parents.\n\n[[Next|Alt Mom and Dad]]

"Then she's going to sue you for child support, dumbass," Sarah jumps in.\n\nEric's eyes narrow. "Why don't you mind your own business?"\n\n"Why don't you take care of yours? I bet your parents don't even know, do they?"\n\n"What's it to you?"\n\n"They're going to find out when the child support papers come in. Just try hiding that."\n\nEric turns and snatches the papers out of Alex's hand and scrawls his signature. "Fine. Do whatever you want. Now don't bug me again."\n\n[[Next|Browse Families]]\n

Alexandra can't believe how crowded the clinic is. Her appointment is at nine, but she doesn't get called back until 9:45. At least the nurse practitioner she sees is friendly.\n\nThe nurse does some tests, including an ultrasound; Alexandra is just about at the six-week mark and everything looks healthy.\n\n"I understand that you're looking to discuss your options," the nurse says. "What's been on your mind?"\n\n"Well, I think I'm leaning toward abortion, but I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do. I've gotten some mixed signals back home. Plus, I'm only seventeen."\n\nThe nurse nods. "I understand. It can be tough to make up your own mind, especially with the pressures we might get from family and friends. If you have any concerns, especially about the medical side of things, I'd be happy to discuss those with you. I can also help you get information about the judicial bypass you can get."\n\n"Judicial bypass?"\n\n"It allows you to have a hearing from a judge and get permission to have an abortion without a parent's consent. There's an organization called Jane's Due Process that will help you with the application and the hearing."\n\n"How much money do I need for that?" Alexandra asks. She already knows the cost of an abortion will be a strain on her babysitting savings. \n\n"It's free. I can give you a referral after we discuss your other options."\n\n[[Next|PP4]]

Alexandra rouses herself at 5:30 as usual, going through her morning routine as though she's going to go to morning drills and then school. She's nervous; she's been walking on eggshells around her family lately. But she goes off to school without any suspicion.\n\nHalfway to Dallas, Alexandra gets scared and wishes that Sarah was with her. She'd approached her friend, but Sarah was reticent about missing school and getting caught, especially because she wouldn't be the one getting a doctor's note.\n\n"If you actually have the abortion, I'll go with you, okay?" she'd said.\n\n"That's fair."\n\nBut now, as she drives along the dark, congested highways, she wishes that she wasn't alone. \n\n[[Next|PP3]]

They pull into a diner that's one of the main hangouts for athletes after competitions and games. Alex feels like she hasn't been here in years.\n\nInside, the members of the cross country and track teams are clustered around a group of tables. A small pile of gifts sits at the far end of the table.\n\n"I know your mom isn't throwing you a shower because she's still mad or whatever," Sarah says. "But we miss you and we love you, and we thought you should have one."\n\n"Oh my god," Alex says, her eyes welling up. "This is amazing. Thank you."\n\nThings aren't easy and they aren't perfect. But today, Alex feels like things are going to work out. \n\n[[Next|Keep Grad Ban]]

After giving Alexandra more information about the judicial bypass, the nurse gives her a brochure called "A Woman's Right to Know," and walks through the details of pregnancy, adoption, and a list of social services for struggling mothers. \n\n"If you do want to pursue adoption, I can give you referrals for some different adoption organizations in the area. You'll have a social worker assigned to your case and that person can help you navigate that in more detail."\n\n"Could I just get a list of those places now? Just in case?"\n\n"Of course." \n\nWhen she leaves Planned Parenthood, Alexandra is still unsure. The thought of talking to a judge is scary. What if he says no? How is she going to explain that at the attendance office? How will she hide getting an abortion and recovering? Alexandra feels so alone and the process seems so overwhelming.\n\nBut then again, so does becoming a mother before she's even old enough to drink. \n\nPregnancy and adoption would be hard, but maybe it would be for the best. The nurse explained that in most cases, adoptive parents would pay for her medical expenses. That would be a help. And she might be making an infertile couple happy.\n\nThen again, maybe she could raise the baby. The list of social services in that brochure were encouraging. \n\n[[Alexandra decides to have an abortion.|Dinner Question]]\n[[Alexandra decides to pursue adoption.|Dinner Question]]\n[[Alexandra decides to become a parent.|Dinner Question]]

"Hi, I'm Dr. Miller," says the woman who calls her back. "Let's step into my office."\n\nAlexandra is surprised when she steps into a regular office and not an examination room. "Don't you have to, um, do an ultrasound or something?"\n\nDr. Miller hands her a cup and gives her instructions to the restroom. "We'll do a standard test first just to be sure. Just come back in when you're done and we'll discuss your options while we wait for the results."\n\nAlexandra hurries to pee in the cup and get back to the office. She just wants some answers.\n\n[[Next|PHMC 3]]

"Why don't you tell me more about your situation?" Dr. Miller says. "What's your relationship with your parents like?"\n\n"Wait... What does that have to do with anything?"\n\n"The best way for me to help you is to understand the situation you're in right now."\n\n"Oh, okay. Well, I mean, it's okay. Like, it's not bad. We get along. I love them and they love me. But this... is not okay. They want me to get a scholarship to college. Not to have a baby. It's a really shameful thing, you know?"\n\n"Well, of course it is. Of course they're disappointed in you. But they'll certainly welcome their grandchild when it comes. Everyone loves babies."\n\n"Um, sure. I guess. But, like, I don't think they'll help me out, you know? I'm scared to raise it alone."\n\n"Well, what about the father?"\n\n"He's trying to get a football scholarship and go away to college. This would ruin everything."\n\n"Would it? Are you sure he wouldn't be a good father?"\n\n"I'm not sure he would. Like, at least not right now. He's seventeen like me and he's kind of irresponsible. His grades aren't even that good. I think he'd be a good dad someday, but he has to grow up."\n\nDr. Miller purses her lips. "If you have such a low opinion of him, then why did you have sex with him?"\n\nAlexandra has no idea how to answer that question. She starts to cry, and before she knows it, she can't stop. \n\n[[Next|PHMC 4]]

Just then a nurse knocks on the door and hands Dr. Miller a piece of paper. \n\n"Congratulations," Dr. Miller says as the nurse closes the door. "You're pregnant. Would you like to do an ultrasound today, or schedule it for later?"\n\n"Um, now?" Alexandra says. She's more confused than ever, and but the way the doctor asks the question makes her feel like she has to.\n\nOn the table, Alexandra can barely parse the blob on the screen as a baby. All she feels is fear. She wants to throw up. Despite the doctor's constant talk about what a great mother she'll be, Alex knows she's not ready.\n\nAfter the ultrasound, Alexandra books a follow-up appointment. She knows she's not going to keep it, but she's too scared to say no. \n\nIn the car, Alexandra can barely think straight. She can't believe the counselors were so mean. She doesn't want to ever go back there, and if she chooses adoption, she doesn't want to give her baby up to their organizations. But she doesn't know what else to do. She can't believe that abortion could make her infertile. \n\nIt seems like no matter what she chooses, her life is going to change forever and there's nothing she can do about it.\n\nMaybe she needs a second opinion. That's what people do for medical stuff all the time. She could try to get to Planned Parenthood.\n\nOr maybe it's best to play it safe and have the baby. \n\n[[Alexandra decides to visit Planned Parenthood.|PP]]\n[[Alexandra decides to research adoption.|Dinner Question]]\n[[Alexandra decides to have the baby.|Dinner Question]]

Dr. Miller hands Alexandra a tissue. "Don't cry, dear. It will all be okay. Were you using protection?"\n\n"Yes," Alexandra says through her tears. "Condoms."\n\n"Well, it's good you weren't using hormonal birth control. That can give you cancer or leave you infertile."\n\n"What? Really? I've never heard that before."\n\nDr. Miller nods earnestly. "Oh yes, it's very dangerous. I'm sorry you're in a tough predicament, but I'm just grateful you haven't endangered your health at all. And that's another reason why I'm so concerned that you seem so resistant to being a mother. Don't you know how dangerous abortion is?"\n\n"No..."\n\n"Alexandra, abortion can be fatal. And even if it's not, it's still risky. It could put you at a higher risk of breast cancer. And if not that, you might not be able to have children ever. You could be rendered completely infertile."\n\n"Infertile?"\n\n"Oh, yes."\n\n[[Next|PHMC 5]]

"Well, what about adoption?"\n\n"If you really want to go down that road, there are resources. We partner with several religious organizations that have adoption services to match you with good parents who will raise your child right."\n\nAlexandra then notices a cross on one wall and an embroidered prayer hanging on the other. \n\n"Um, are you affiliated with a church?"\n\n"Does that matter? Do you have a problem with religion?"\n\n"No, I'm Methodist."\n\n"Well, we do have a Christian affiliation, but that shouldn't be an issue since you do belong to a church. Though I can see that it didn't do you much good."\n\nAlexandra starts to cry even harder. She thinks that even her parents' anger would be easier to bear than this. \n\n[[Next|PHMC 6]]

Marjorie Daniels is a petite, bubbly woman. Alex wonders how someone can be so chipper when they have such a difficult job, but apparently, Marjorie loves her work. \n\n"I'm so glad they assigned me to your case," Marjorie says. "I've worked with a lot of high school girls in your position. I know how important it is to you to place your baby with the right parents."\n\nAlex feels slightly overwhelmed. It doesn't help when Marjorie starts asking her a barrage of questions about her life, her parents, Eric, her prenatal care so far, and things that Alex didn't even know were relevant, like her hobbies.\n\n"I just want to make sure we screen families that are a good fit for you. Some mothers, well, they have issues placing their children with families of certain religious faiths or educational levels, or even races."\n\nAlex is a little appalled at that last bit. "Really?"\n\nMarjorie nods.\n\n"I just want my baby to be with a family who will love her. I don't care what their skin tone looks like."\n\n[[Next|Caseworker Consent]]

Alex grips her daughter a little closer. She's afraid to let Eric touch her. But Eric doesn't try to hold Emma. He just sits by the bed and strokes her hand. Emma's tiny fingers grip around his big thumb.\n\n"So this is... this is our kid."\n\n"Her name is Emma."\n\n"Look, um. I'm going to Baylor on a football scholarship, you know?"\n\nAlex winces. Everyone knows. And it still kills her that Eric gets to go live his dream.\n\n"Yeah. Congrats, by the way."\n\n"Yeah. Well. You're right about the fact that I'd be a shitty dad. But, um, maybe I could see her sometimes before I go to school? And I have a summer job, so I can help out and stuff. And I can find a job during the off-season, too, maybe. I just... yeah, I should help out."\n\nAlex can't imagine what inspired this change of heart. Part of her is still furious, still jealous. But she knows it won't do any good to spurn him.\n\n"Yeah, that would be good. That would be really good."\n\n[[Next|Life with Emma]]

"Alex, I think we need to talk about your status on the team this year."\n\nAlex hangs her head. She doesn't know what to say.\n\n"Am I correct in assuming you've decided to keep your child?"\n\n"Yes," Alex whispers.\n\n"Does your doctor know you've been practicing?"\n\n"Coach, I..." Alex struggles not to cry. She knows what's coming.\n\n"Alex, I know how much this team means to you. And I know you're going through a lot right now. But I think it would be best if you left."\n\n"I... I... But..."\n\n"How much longer would you be able to compete, anyway? The spring season is definitely out. It's just... You have to understand, Alex. There could be a liability issue if something happened to your baby while you were running. And even if nothing happened, well... I mean, we promote a certain image."\n\n"A certain image?"\n\n"We can't..." Coach Landon looks down. "We need leaders who will set good examples."\n\nAlex can't take anything else. She stands up and silenty walks out of the office. \n\n[[Next|Mom Appointment]]

Although she's been coached by her attorney, Alex is still terrified on the afternoon of her hearing. She's afraid that if she doesn't get out in time, coach is going to strip her of the captain title. If this keeps up, it's really going to start affecting her college scholarship choices.\n\nAlex meets her attorney inside the courthouse, near the small cafeteria in the basement. \n\n"Can I get you anything?" the attorney asks.\n\nAlex's stomach churns at the smell of stale coffee. "I'm fine, thanks."\n\n"Do you have any more questions before it's time to begin?"\n\n"I don't think so. I'm just scared."\n\n"I know you are. Most of my clients are. But you'll be fine." \n\n[[Next.|Hearing 2]]

Most days, Alex is exhausted. Her AP-heavy courseload is intense and the further into her pregancy she goes, the more fatigued she feels just walking around. Plus, she's picked up a part-time job at HEB to put away money for college. But by the time her homework is done, she's so tired that applications and campus guides are far from her mind. Days go by, her friends get early acceptance letters, and she hasn't so much as started a single application.\n\nShe does, however, spend a lot of time perusing the information of prospective adoptive parents. She's terrified of making the wrong decision. She's also worried that if she's too picky, she'll alienate every possible match. \n\nThen she finds Christine and Mason Hillman. Mason is a therapist. Christine is a business consultant. Both are former Peace Corps volunteers. They look young, friendly, and approachable. Alex thinks they might be just the right fit for her baby. \n\n[[Next|Meet Hillmans]]

"After hearing your case, I have decided to grant your request." \n\nAlex can't believe that the judge issues her words in such a neutral tone. This is the most frightening moment of her life... but to the judge it's just another day. \n\nThe attorney hands Alex the papers she'll need to take to the clinic.\n\n"Are you okay, Alex?" she asks. "You look pale."\n\n"That was so intense. And the judge didn't seem affected at all."\n\n"That judge sees a lot of these cases. You have to be a little cold."\n\nAfter they part ways, Alex races toward school. She arrives fifteen minutes late for practice.\n\n[[Next|Confrontation with Coach]]

Although she's been coached by her attorney, Alex is still terrified on the morning of her hearing. It's not until nine, which means more skipped school. She's afraid that if this keeps adding up, it's really going to start affecting her college scholarship choices.\n\nAlex meets her attorney inside the courthouse, near the small cafeteria in the basement. \n\n"Can I get you anything?" the attorney asks.\n\nAlex's stomach churns at the smell of stale coffee. "I'm fine, thanks."\n\n"Do you have any more questions before it's time to begin?"\n\n"I don't think so. I'm just scared."\n\n"I know you are. Most of my clients are. But you'll be fine." \n\n[[Next|Alt Hearing 2]]